I am gonna DIE someday.

“The idea is to die young as late as possible” — Ashley Montagu

It happened during a conversation with my Uncle. We were talking about life in general.

I was expected to Go Get a degree, get a job, marry, and then settle. I wait and then die. Of course, he was not pushing me this idea, but this was the “norm” I was expected to follow.

But a voice inside of me said, “Wait a minute? Is that all? Is that all I am worth? This can’t be right. ”

This brought me to serious questioning of my mortality. I said to myself, “I am going to die someday”.

As simple as it seems, the statement stuck with me for a week. I did not want to accept it, but I couldn’t reject it either.

It was the reality and I was scared.

I am going to die. This body will turn into ashes, my identity will vanish, and I don’t know what will happen after I die. No one will remember that I ever lived. I didn’t want to end myself as if I never existed. I think I chose not to.

The gravity of death made me appreciate every moment in my life. Good or Bad, what difference does it make? It was all mine and I want to own every moment.

Don’t get fooled by this post of mine. I still do get bitter, happy, sad, ambitious, angry, inspired and whole lot alive. And that is very human. The very thought of my temporary stay in this dam planet spinning around nothingness makes me appreciate those emotions.

This is a process for me. As long as it took me to realize this simple fact. I don’t want to regret saying, “Oh god I wished I realized it sooner”. I am here to learn something & express myself.

As of now, I am 22 yrs old. I don’t know how long I am staying but I choose to make my stay pleasant and meaningful. Once I realized that I have a choice to do anything, be anywhere, anytime, I simply smiled. Just like squeezing the carpel of an orange, I want to squeeze every ounce of this life before I expire. Now, What am I gonna do? I have some plans, but let me unfold them in my journey ahead. I hope you will stay with me, till the end.

Here’s a beautiful, though by Sri Kumar Rao, “We are all on Death Row. Don’t bother about dying — think about whether you are living.”

“I am not here to live forever. I am a part of that large population called humans. I am here to die a heroic death for the sake of the collective, to produce offsprings & prepare them for life & provide them, or Eventually, my books. My information i.e My genes should be the one seeking immortality, not me.” — Nassim Nicholas Taleb.