Lessons learned as a ballroom dancer.
“Men want to feel powerful, to feel in control, but also to be able to protect their partner. Women, on the other hand, dance to bring out the beauty, sexiness, and elegance that is normally restrained in polite society.”- Ian Crewe.
Let me begin by sharing some reasons and then some “real” reasons for learning ballroom dance. Some of the reasons are better posture, good cardio exercise, insurance against dementia, ………..zzzzzz.
Now let me tell you the real reason for learning ballroom dance.
Woman. Beautiful Woman.
I used to say, I read a book called, “Bachelor’s Pad economic”, which inspired me to pursue ballroom dance. But beautiful Woman sounds more exciting.
That’s it. When you look at her with the dress on, hairs properly tied, nice smell and just the right glitters. I mean, That’s beautiful. And there are very few aspects in this world worthy of the title beauty. That beauty is temporary but powerful enough to inspire men to create monuments.
I dance to express that beauty. To have that beauty dance on my fingertips. To make her feel like a million bucks.
How could you say such a thing!! That’s manipulation.
Hear me out. That beautiful woman wants something. It’s called attention. I don’t care how old she is, where she is from, what she does for a living, as long as she is a woman and has feminity in her, She wants attention.
Ask her if she wants to dance with a competent man or an unsure one. In the case of a man, having a bold and positive attitude is charming. His ability to keep moving on without losing the smile.
Here are 7 thoughts that transpire in my mind when I am dancing with a partner.
1: Hold your frame.
Before the dance begins, the man has to create a frame. He welcomes the woman into his frame so the dance can begin. That frame can tell a lot about a man. Does he have a solid frame, which the woman can rely on? or is he soft, unstable? You must be the solid, indomitable frame upon which she can rely on. That frame is your skill, financial resources, a network of community, and a sense of purpose.
2: Know where you are going.
You need to be absolutely clear about where you want to go. How do you want to show your woman? It’s when you hesitate you cannot communicate with your partner. She cannot read your mind, and if you fail to signal her where you want to go, she is not going to know it. Accidents will happen. You will collide with someone, but what are you going to do about it? Will you let the partnership fail or will you continue? At that moment, you need to improvise and keep moving.
3:Be competent before critiquing.
In 1991, General Norman Schwartzkopf gave a speech to West Point Corps Cadets. It brings chills down my spine hearing that speech. He talks about character and competence in leadership. Character is a self-actualizing aspect, but competence can be immediately recognized.
Your partner can know your caliber by engaging with your frame. The way you hold your arms, the position of your feet, the breathing of your diaphragm, and the position of the torso. These signal to the woman, what you are made of.
I advocate critiques, It allows one to improve. But before critiquing someone, you need to be competent in that domain. I wish I could talk with a statistician, but that is not my domain yet. Until I’ve understood the fundamentals, I cannot bring questions into the conversation.
4:Hold your partner to a standard.
She can be as beautiful as you let her. No matter, the competence level of a partner, she can only perform that beautiful routine as long as you let her. The moment she tries to do something on her own, she will disappear.
At the beginner level, There are some women who hates the idea of being a follower. They think it is demeaning to a woman. These women later realize the joy of being led by a competent man. The joy of absolute surrender to him. That is the highest pleasure of being a partner.
But remember you do not try to change her. If you try and change her, she will hate you with a fiery gaze. Never try to change who she is. She is the one who needs to realize this. Because you are a competent dance, she needs to improve. He needs you to improve, so the dance can improve.
5:Be subtle but bold.
In the beginning, I used to mimic the international style of dancing with huge body movements. She will hate if you overdo the swings. It will be interpreted as a forceful act to move the woman. You need to be subtle yet bold in your movement.
I like a simple exercise to experience this. I ask my woman to put her hand on my chest and close her eyes, then observe the breathing. Slowly when I move my hips and there she moves hers. It’s a powerful exercise anyone can do to experience the subtle but bold concept.
6:Stop, breathe, find your tempo, Begin.
Accidents will happen, some random event will occur disturbing the dance. What are you going to do about it? Stop, breathe, find your tempo, begin. There is nothing else you can do. You need to continue as long the music plays. The moral of the story is if you think the dance is worth more than this accident, continue. Everything happens for a reason, and the reason is always good.
This ability to be calm in any situation is sexy.
7: Pass the attention.
I’ve been praised for my dance where ever I go. They shower me with compliments. I respond with my gratitude. Dancers want to be seen. They want all the limelight. The question is what do you do with this attention? Do you enlarge your sense of achievement or pass it to the audience with more compliments?
I’ve found the latter to be more meaningful. After the dance ends, everyone from different backgrounds wants to be around you. They get curious to know about me and are more than willing to share their expertise.
In this way, I’ve had conversations with scientists, businessmen, language professors, History students, constructors, therapists, and much more. This is the easiest way to have the most interesting conversation. Just pass the attention to the giver. They will reward you with something more potent.
Finally, my decision to be a ballroom dancer has improved every aspect of my life. The lessons I learn can be applied in many domains, economy, business, relationships.
The question is, “What are you going to do about it?”
For a man learn how to become a man.
For a woman learn how to become a woman.
