Let’s start with the basics. Who or What the hell am I?

“Your own Self-realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”- Ramana Maharshi

As I am writing this article, I am listening to Valentino. I am thinking about my swimming class this Thursday, but I also want to go out on a hike with my friend. What should I do? I am aware of my dream to establish my own animation studio and my vegan diet is still running in the background. My goal to work out for a triathlon this June is still intact and the music is making me want to jump on my feet. All this happening right now. At this very moment, I can see myself in all these possibilities in my life. But Let’s take a break. STOP. When did it all start? Hmm.. , When did I start?

Now I won’t throw you into the whole spiritual craps. It’s not in my experience. Let us look at the question itself. For that, Take me as a reference point. You can build on top of my perception or even better make your own.

But first, tell me why do you like what you like?

Let’s take Mangoes for an example. Why do I like mangoes? Because I like the taste of ripe mango. It’s lumpy sweet, It’s juicy and it’s fresh. Ok. So now this taste of goodness is in my experience. The next time I look at a mango, I will revisit my memories and tell myself, “I want this pleasure”.

This reference to our past experience builds our likes and dislikes. You can fill the Mango with orange or any stuff or even feelings. You felt something pleasant and you want to experience it again. This cycle of likes and dislikes is constructing and updating itself every moment.

This concludes we are a cumulation of information.

These pieces of information are interpreted internally. It is based on the human conditioning of our environment and culture. We are trained to conclude in a certain format.

But wait.

What was there before all these heaps of information?

Let’s imagine we are just born.

What do you think, you and I will be thinking? The honest answer is I don’t know. I cannot recall anything from my childhood, not even my mother’s milk. Even though that was the first thing to go in my mouth. In fact, I don’t even remember If I was there. I don’t know.

But we have the proof.

My mom took pictures of me growing, eating, fishing and swimming. I was always there. But I was never there. We were born with no vocabulary, therefore we had not even thought about the concept of “I”. We were taught about the concept of “I”. My name is Manoj. This is “my” nose. This is “my” house. This is “my” family. This is “my”… Now, what is this?

Does this refer to my body that changes every second?

Our body is made up of different organs. Let's go cellular. These organs are made up of cells. So we are collections of these cells. But we know cells have limited life spans, they die and new cells replace them. So who are we?

Now let go atomic. Atoms are the building blocks of this whole universe. Everything in the world is made up of atoms. Even these cells are made up of atoms. According to quantum physics, atomic particles tend to appear and disappear. They can act as both waves and particles at the same time. What does it mean? It means the basis of our identification is quizzical. We don’t know.

Now tell me who are you? The body? This myth is dissolved.

May be mind?

But what is the mind without memory? Now, are you a memory? Maybe? Then my dear, tell me where is memory without you?

This egg and the chicken question start from here. We are going no-where.

Instead of who are we? let’s ask ourselves What are we?

Again I won’t take you to philosophy or spirituality.

This job is on YOU.

If you ask me What are we? My answer is We are miracles. We are living miracles. I cannot fathom the possibility of how any one individual can be alive. Not even one. You, the person reading this can do anything, become anything. Hasn’t history taught us enough about our potential?

But again don’t take my interpretation as a rigid rule and stick with it. My role is to not answer your questions. My role is to poke you to come up with better questions. Answering the question is not as important as sticking to it. Stick with your questions. I am sticking with mine. A miracle is not my answer but it is my eternal question.

What the hell am I? I really hope you never find the answer, yet be content with it. Until next time, Love you lots Chao.