Why do we close our eyes, to wake up?
“You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” -Galileo Galilei
*Disclaimer: I am not an enlightened human, neither I claim to be. Wait, what is enlightenment anyway? I am not serene nor stoic, neither I claim to be one. I am just as confused as you are about life and its every pursuit. The writer is not promoting a false sense of Image. Rather he is here to express his faults & flaws to study them. If my story can relate to any individual, it will be my honor. Thank you for your precious time & attention.*
You must have at least heard words like meditation, spirituality, nirvana, peace, monk, mental health, or psychedelics. I have no information about your interpretation & understanding of these subjects. Neither do I have any intention of adding any extra rubbish to your definition. I am here to go on a journey with you to discover what these things even mean. Does it make any sense at all or is it just imagination?
If you find these topics uninteresting, by all means, stop reading this article and go on with your usual. But if you are curious to know about a different perception, carry on.
So let me be clear about my agenda, Lets try and find out what it means to be meditative.
I was sitting in a garden, waiting for my friend to finish up some paper works. A car just passed, some people around the street were talking about lunch, some birds were chirping on the streets. I saw a pine seed next to me. I picked it up and meticulously started looking at the design. It had a fine pattern & definite shape. I was surprised I never noticed how beautiful a pine seed can be. Suddenly I shifted my attention to the tall trees and the sky. A nostalgic awareness of the beautiful objects in front of me surprised me. It was mesmerizing to see the ordinary become extraordinary. I took a deep breath and my friend snatched my attention back to the ongoing event.
Why did I share this experience?
The moment doesn’t classify itself as something great, or something miserable, or something ordinary. It was an extraordinary moment. That it was very ordinary, and that is all it took to make me feel larger than myself.
Now, what is this self?
First of its not a spirit, a split personality, a ghost, an inner self, god, mind, or subconscious mind. I mean who knows, and even if you did, giving it a name would only create another interpretation. Let's call it nameless, although I just said not to label it, Puns intended. I am not sure how else can anyone express the self. I believe it can only be experienced. Its something like trying to explain the taste of honey to someone who has never tasted anything sweet in its life.
These mini moments of awareness and appreciation are all that it takes. One does not need to visit the mountains of Colorado, or go on sky diving, or have a full course meal to experience the profoundness of the moment. A moment like this one, you reading these letters, taking a deep breath, looking around ordinary objects, and witness your internal monologues. That is all that it takes.
Coming back to the subject of meditation. Again I am no professional in the art of meditation. I practice a routine but it took me a while to discover my meditation.
To give you a peek of my background, I initially practiced jappas : repeating a mantra, then bhakti: emotional expressions, then kriya: observing the breadth & karma: acting with an ability to respond. I might sound cool saying these but just take it as a grain of salt.
For my experience, I found jappas are for the ones whose minds are barbaric, undisciplined, and need an anchor to practice attention retentions. Bhakti is for the simpletons, who cannot comprehend the complex and are ready for absolute surrender. This one is the shortest, simple, and the hardest of any. Bhakti will not work with fake it till you make it. Karma is for the atheist who minds their own business, doing the work for the sake of working. I couldn’t really do it. I have expectations from my actions. Then finally kriya, for the rational individuals. Who cannot claim to be excellent nor claim inadequacy. I think this is a practical practice for the majority. For the ones who are neither a devotee nor an atheist.
What does my meditation include?
It has every bit of everything. I do jappas when I cannot retain attention, then transcend to observing breadth. I try to give my undived attention when I am performing an action & every once in a while I like singing songs about the extraordinary. You see there is no one fit all model. If one type of meditation works for you great if it doesn’t, experiment. Who is gonna grade you on meditation? The only way to find your meditation is to play with all and find it.
The important question is why meditation?
Now don’t get me wrong but meditation does have all the acclaimed benefits on health & wellbeing as described in the media, but that's not the reason I meditate. I meditate to refine my perception. If I can find my awareness and appreciation in every moment of my life, misery, or happiness, what difference does it make? I will be unaffected yet involved. Meditation does not make you emotionless, it rather intensifies the experience so that you do not hold anything. You let it go. Happiness or Misery you feel it with intensity, hold it tight & you let it go.
The common problem with every individual.
I think suppression of an internal expression is the most repulsive penalty one delivers oneself. Regret lies in not being able to express joy and misery. And we punish ourselves for the rest of our lives. How long do you think you will be on this spinning planet? 100 years, 500 years, or 1000 years? I know even I have to work on it. The article is not to claim superiority but to discuss the infatuation with life. Now I am not suggesting to act crazy, Laugh like a lunatic, and cry like a fucking baby. But experience the pain of misery and the lightness of joy. Experience that within yourself.
