Why I want you to take care of yourself, before me.

“I lied and said I was busy.
I was busy;
but not in a way most people understand.

I was busy taking deeper breaths.
I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.
I was busy calming a racing heart.
I was busy telling myself I am okay.

Sometimes, this is my busy -
and I will not apologize for it.”
― Brittin Oakman

As we are growing up, we have been taught not to be selfish. Selfishness is considered a bad human trait. Self-centeredness is considered Narcissism. But I am here to tell you if you are selfish, that’s okay.

It’s okay to be selfish. It means you think about yourself. You are not a human with a flaw but a complete human. Why is being selfish a good thing?

Instead of a direct answer let’s understand what is selfishness? I don’t want you to mix up greed with selfish. Greed means you hoard more than you need. Selfish means you hoard and fight for what you need.

Now everybody’s needs are different. Some people take more because they have more needs. And some take less because they have fewer needs. Now there is no ideal scale of needs. Since needs are direct proportion to desire. The higher their desire the higher their needs. There cannot be an ideal measurement for every human desire. Individuals have a different level of desire, people have a different level of needs. Simple.

Now we are clear that taking care of your needs is called selfishness. Well isn’t that a good thing? You need to take care of your needs first because only then you can truly and honestly take care of others. For example, I see people being in a relationship so their needs can be fulfilled. They think, “oh this person will make me happy. He/ she loves me”. Let me tell you where this model will fail if the other person thinks the same way. Once, you take care of yourself, you don’t need a boy or a girl to take care of you. You become completely secure. Now being in a relationship becomes a choice, not a compulsion. You choose to be in a relationship because you want to enhance and share your love with the other person. That’s love, very less expectation, and more giving. But sometimes, I observe people tend to jump into a relationship just to cover up their social insecurities. It makes me sad because a relationship has the power to completely change two human beings. The rate of transformation is phenomenal.

I am intentionally trying to stay away from a romantic relationship because a romantic relationship intertwines, two human energy at a peak state. If you are aware enough to know how to use it to enhance yourself, By all mean be in as many relationships as you want. But if you are just a slave to your desires, I’d say you to be careful. Relationship is a very powerful partnership, understand the importance of your relationship. I want you to be your own person before his or her’s.

The truth is if you cannot even love yourself, you can never love the other. Because this love of yours is coming from an empty heart. I am trying to live a life where I am full of love and compassion. I am expressing my love to you now in the form of writing. Love should not be forced out from an empty heart, It should be poured out from a fulfilled heart. The more you give the more it grows.

To sum it up, just understand this. To give others, you must have it first. To love others, you must have love first.

Now how do we do that? You have always been doing it silly, be selfish. Take yourself out for a walk, have the best food you desire, talk with yourself with love and compassion. Be selfish, but not greedy.

Thank you, my dear readers, for your attention. I am not a generous person. I am extremely selfish and lustful. But I am aware of it and since you are “my” readers, I will take care of “my” self. Till next time.Lots of love, Chao.